Whose Beat Are You Dancing To?

A weekly breather for busy executives in demanding times: bringing clarity & capability from my week as an exec coach, founder and C-suite advisor.

A VIEW FROM THE TOP

This week's theme: Is somebody else setting your agenda?

Three things I said to leaders during the last few weeks, in three different moments, that turned out to be the same thing.

"Write it down before you deal with it." A note had landed that read as an attack, and everything in them wanted to answer it there and then. Stay above it. Write down what's actually being asked and what it's stirred up in you, let some of the energy come out, and then think about it.

"There's nothing to say right now." An employee hijacked a meeting - responding to that in the moment would have put everybody's attention on the wrong thing. Where focus goes, energy flows, and the business needed everyone's energy on growing and fixing, not on the argument.

"Unless you tell me otherwise, I'm moving ahead." A boss who'd seen the plan but still hadn't said yes, with a thousand decisions waiting behind it. Stop asking for permission. Tell them what you're doing and when, and ask them to stop you if they disagree. That's leadership over permission-seeking.

Each one was a moment on someone else's terms. If this has happened to you lately, the job is to take it back onto yours.

OTHER PEOPLE'S PEARLS

Two quotes from wiser people than me, picked for you this week.

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In the absence of data, we will always make up stories.

Brené Brown, American researcher and author of Rising Strong

For when your team needs some guidance from you.

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When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.

Viktor Frankl, Austrian psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, author of Man's Search for Meaning

For when you need to take back some control of your life.

ONE THING TO TRY THIS WEEK

Something each week from my leadership and coaching bag of tricks

‘Yes, No, Not Now’ Tool

We carry around a lot of open loops all the time: things we haven't got to yet, decided about or let go of. First, do a brain dump of it all. This helps force some decisions. Go down the list and give each item one of three answers.

Yes. It needs me, and it needs doing this week. It stays on the list.

No. It isn't urgent and it isn't a priority. It's taking up space. Get rid of it, and don't let it sit anywhere as noise.

Not now. It isn't urgent or a priority, but you're not ready to let it go. Give it a date to look at it again. You know it'll be dealt with, so you can stop carrying it.

Three columns headed Yes, No and Not Now. Yes: needs me, and needs doing this week, a list of ticked boxes, it stays on the list. No: not urgent, not a priority, taking up space, a shorter list of crossed boxes, get rid of it. Not Now: not ready to let it go, a list of empty boxes each with a date beside it, give it a date

SOMETHING COOL I FOUND FOR YOU

One link that's seriously worth your time this week

Who gets to tell the story of the day they let you go

Herminia Ibarra on how people get back on their feet after losing a job: not by pretending it didn't hurt, but by taking back the story of what happened.

Article, about 5 min read

Before you answer the next thing that lands on you, ask whose terms you'd be answering on. If they aren't yours, take your time, and then take back those terms.

Hit reply and let me know. I read every single email and would love to hear from you.

Sending good vibes,
Has

Beyond the newsletter, two ways I work with leaders: Mavericks Unlimited, executive coaching and strategy for CEOs, founders and their leadership teams, and tyllr, our development platform that helps managers thrive.